Technology [Un]Savvy

by on 3:19 pm in Krys In the City

I was dating this guy that excitedly inquired about taking the next step in our developing relationship. Yep, after only a few months of a movie here, drinks there, paddle-boating elsewhere, he admits to me something that I would’ve never expected. This man wants to become Facebook friends! I immediately assume that he is joking, reply with a laugh, a “You-Silly-Goose” pat on the back, and commenced with flirting. I then noticed that he was serious by the straight lips plastered across his face. So like any girl that wants to appear cool, I said it was fine and moved on with more flirtatious conversation.

Deep down inside, I was freaking out! Exposing your “social self” to that special person is like that of placing a flashlight underneath your chin in the dark- almost everything is visible, kind of awkward and downright scary at times. Friends, foes, family, flaws, fictitious fun, and everything else in that category are available at the click of a button. Fiddlesticks! I have to untag myself to that photo because I look goofy. My stomach looks big in this one. Let me untag this picture where my tongue is sticking out 5 inches from my mouth…wouldn’t want him to make any assumptions there! Why does my butt look non-existent in this one? Maybe I should change my profile picture.

            Over analytical and overly dramatic? Yes. Typical of many? Yes! Social Networking can either help or hinder a relationship. I completely agree that one should never be ashamed of their past and present [via Facebook], as long as growth has occurred. I can even admit that my Facebook page is [almost] shame-free, but with a social network comes social problems. You may find that your potential girl/guy is connected to your ex, an enemy, or the town floozy; like that of a nerd watching Star Wars for the 5th time, questions that would not normally come about begin to arise. You become inquisitive and curious…and…then the stalking begins. You then risk the chance of learning things that you did not want to know- we all know what happened to the poor kitty that was curious. For instance, why does he/she take an endless amount of self-imposed pictures? Why are his lips poking out like that? When was this picture taken!?! Social Networking can bring about plenty who, what, when, where, whys, and how’s.

On a less pessimistic side, you can learn things about one another. Your page can spark conversation for future outings. So I’ve noticed on your page that your mother is beautiful. Tell me about her. The person can possibly discover your past without asking the tedious and typical get-to-know-you questions that often occur within the first 5 dates.  Online flirting is also a fun way to let one know that he/she is thinking of the other person. Some even feel inclined to let their guard down and become more of a bold and exciting person behind the computer. One can even, dare I say it, poke another person, and you know what happens after that! It is undeniable that social networking has brought a new form of flirting and displays of love to the table.

Facebook, Twitter, Zoosk.com, Match.com, eHarmony.com, bHarmony.com…there is an overwhelming amount of ways to socialize via internet. In a world where even politicians get themselves in trouble over it, can this type of socializing be helpful or harmful in getting to know one another? When is it an appropriate time to become friends? Can these social networks excite or exasperate a relationship?

Comments

  • https://twitter.com/#!/_BLOWE_ Terrance Blowe

    Social Networks may be a good way to learn a lot of the intricate details and idiosyncrasies of your potential mate/partner/one nighter, if the individual is honest. Most of the revealing details that people put on these sites are false images of self. Do you really want to put a lot of stock in the “edited” demeanor’s depicted on social networks?

  • Kim C

    I think social networks are a double edged sword. Social networks are a good tool to use to find out your potential mate’s interests but what happened to talking to someone to get to know them? That’s the fun part! It’s fun to get to know things from the person over time. Checking out someone’s timeline on Twitter or their Facebook wall could change your perception of them in 10 seconds flat. As a woman, I have viewed a man’s social network profiles and completely lost interest. Constantly flirting with other women, posting club pictures daily, and bragging about how much money you have is a turn off so be careful what you post.

  • Mr. Know Ur ABC’s

    I think everyone has that nervousness initially when making the move to opening up your social networks. But like you said, I see it more as conversation starters than things to judge the person on. In fact, I’m more likely to skip the one bad cross-eyed and drunk picture over and pay more attention to how often you’re asking me about a t and weet or a picture with someone I took before you got in the picture. Bun the end, it’s just another way of opening up to the person. If you were honest from the start, your social networks should back you up.

  • Mr. Know Ur ABC’s

    I thought I left a comment, but for “Trixie” I’ll try again. I think that allowing a person to be a part of your social network is more to talk about like you said. Initially everyone has that nervousness about what they have up, whether it’s a picture, status or a tweet. In fact I’m more likely to look past someone’s drunk and cross-eyed picture. But it’s a red flag if the person keeps asking you about your statuses or pictures from before they got in the picture. Becoming social network friends should bring you closer to a person. If you’ve been honest since the beginning then your social networks shouldn’t be a surprise

  • Nakeesha

    I think if the two are in a committed relationship where fidelity is not an issue, the social network will do norhing but help the relationship. Pictures of them together, statuses that uplift etc. Now if they are getting to know each other, it can hinder or help depending on where he or she wants to take the relationship.

  • http://www.harrisempowerment.com Kevin M. Harris

    Great post. Social networking is tricky these days. In some cases you may not be hired for a particular job because of your Facebook or Twitter page. In the case in which you are writing, I have to agree with Keesh it will make a relationship better or it will reveal things to you that you would have not known otherwise. I think Social networking will also help reveal a person maturity level. You would be able to tell if the person is 30 and still acting 19 or 25 and have their head on straight.

  • Dayan

    Social networking has no place in a relationship unless vows have been taken, and rings are exchanged.The potential for relationships to go sour quickly is greatly increased with the “TMI” of social networks, and who truly uses social networking for its original intent anyway? Majority of people use Facebook for cyberstalking and self promotion. Twitter serves absolutely no purpose and is just a rest haven for attention whores. If you truly want your relationship to be successful your priorities should be placed on the interactions with each other outside of the Internet.

  • Steffon Edmonds

    I think it depends on that person who you’re talking to. If they want to really talk to you then they will accept your past, good or bad. If anybody who judges period, I don’t think you would want to be with that type of person even if they not judging you. Great blog by the way…keep up the good work.

  • CC Freeman

    Great Blog! I think that Social Networking is necessary for our everyday lives in one fashion or another. I believe the cons are that some people use it for false or negative purposes which could be deceiving. The pros are if used properly, it could be helpful to relationships in that you can learn a lot about that person pretty quickly. Social networking won’t take the place of conversation face to face but it is a important factor today.

  • jay adams

    I personally like social media. Social media is the reason why I am married. However, my husband and I knew each other for several years but reunited via social media. I do agree with you on the pros and cons and why it is necessary to communicate face to face versus social media.

  • Ericka L

    From my personal experience, I think that social networking only exasperates relationships. I say this because communication between friends are so public, that it is easy to read into things that aren’t what they seem. I guess it plays into the insecurities of both parties because we all start to question comments from members of the opposite sex, as well as pictures where a person just looks like they’re having TOO much fun. As for myself, I dabble in and out of social networking because I prefer other methods of communication with friends and family.

  • Brittne K

    Great piece! Social Newtorking and dating are always confusing. I never let a man I’m dating “follow me” or “friend me” unless they already were following or my friend. There is always some exposure that makes both parties side eye the other and I dont think it’s safe until y’all really like each other or are committed.

  • http://meroesings.com Meroe

    Sometimes befriending someone on facebook does give you information about them that you didn’t really want to know, and that can be disappointing. However, sometimes just giving someone your facebook information is a nice scapegoat for not having to give them your number LOL!

  • Ashleigh

    Social networks are definitely a gift and a curse. You can be whoever you want to be on twitter or facebook; often putting on a fake persona.  I must admit that I have been turned off after viewing a guys profile or timeline.  Also, it takes the fun out of dating because you get to know the person before you know the person. It’s funny that these are issues that we didn’t have to deal with 10 years. I’m afraid of what the next 5 years will bring. Great article!!!

  • Malika

    I think social networks are great tools in relationships, if used correctly. You can “poke”, leave naughty messages, retweet, share photos, and even allow your family and friends to connect. All these things are positive and can help your relationship. On the other hand I have seen social networks cause tension in relationships. I feel like if someone is willing to open up to you by adding or following you, appreciate it and use this new found power for good. May I suggest, the 1st time you view a potential mate’s profile, go through it with them. So if you see a picture with the town floozy, you won’t go off. You may learn that she’s his cousin lol!!

  • Jordan

    A social networking site is just that a website to network and be social. It can, however, weaken a relationship. I don’t feel that a social networking site can solely ruin a relationship though. There have to be underlining issues like infidelity or trust.

    While just dating, there shouldn’t be so much thought into what’s found on social networking sites unless something major is discovered like a significant other or children. Other than that, I would just use what I’ve found as conversation topics like “Wow, you have a lot of party pics up from 2010″ or “You seemed to be pretty wild in college”.

  • Krys

    I think all of this is good advice to definitely meditate on guys! I personally wait MONTHS before I befriend somebody on Facebook or Twitter. Like all good girls that wait for that “special moment”, I do the same with social networking. Knowing my personality, I overanalyze and would think too much into a simple picture; I could possibly ruin things by making accusations from just a stupid hunch. I always prefer to learn about the person with a one-on-one setting rather than with a one-on-computer setting.

    Thank you for reading and please continue to support!

  • http://joe4christ.blogspot.com Joey

    Again I laugh at this post and this statement. “he was serious by straight lips plastered across his face,” Your writing is amazing and I am so glad that the world is getting to see it. Social networking is amazing too, but also a crazy situation for real.